Let’s get one thing straight – the
repeat-after-me vows recited at many weddings are still special, and going that
route isn’t anything to feel bad about. But if you’re reading this article,
then you’re at least interested in writing your own, making them more personal
But maybe you don’t like writing, don’t know
where to start, or fear that your words won’t be good enough. Penning such
special words for an incredibly important day might feel overwhelming, but when
you break it down and take it step by step, you’ll find that writing your own
wedding vows can be an enjoyable process. And once you’ve written your
personalized verses, you’ll have a unique set of memories and promises to share
with your one and only.
To help you get started, I’ve put together
some tips on how to write wedding vows that will have your partner laughing,
crying, and feeling like the luckiest person in the world.
First and foremost, you’ll want to let your
partner know about your intentions and make sure you’re both on the same page,
which means penning your vows as a duo. That doesn’t necessarily mean writing
them together; you can keep your sentiments a secret until the big day. But
you’ll want to discuss tone, length, and personal details you’d like to include
with your fiancé, as well as subjects to stay away from.
You’ll also want to notify your officiant to
make sure it’s okay that you recite your own vows. Some places require that you
include/recite parts of the traditional vows, while others forbid personalized
Set aside plenty of time to think about what
you want to include in your wedding vows, otherwise you’ll find yourself in
panic mode, which won’t lead to quality writing.
Dedicate a notebook to your vows or start a
private computer document to take down notes, thoughts, and inspiration to help
you build your verses. Feel free to snag inspiration from other couple’s vows,
poems, songs, quotes, etc. Sprinkle in your own words, special moments,
memories, future hopes and dreams, what you love about your partner, how you’ve
supported each other, and the promises you vow to keep throughout your
The point isn’t to write the perfect vows at
this stage or worry about word length, but to get your thoughts on paper.
You’ll organize and edit later.
Your First Draft
Now it’s time to take all of the notes you’ve
made and rearrange them into a cohesive template that expresses your love. A
good outline to follow:
- Affirm your love
- Praise your partner
- Offer promises
- Final vow
The Knot has some great examples of real life wedding vows to help you see how this template flows and to inspire your own.
In the editing stage, you’ll want to aim for a
length of 150-300 words or 1-2 minutes of speaking time. Your vows should be
heartfelt, but concise, and make sure your anecdotes are short, sweet, and easy
for guests to understand and follow. Save the private jokes, lude comments, and
sarcasm for the letter you’ll give your fiancé before the ceremony.
Practice reading your vows out loud to make
sure everything flows and to give you a sense of how things will sound and how
long the speech will be. Make any tweaks you feel are necessary. If you’re
sharing with your partner before the wedding day, read them out loud with each
other, and practice looking into each other’s eyes as much as possible. If
you’re keeping your sentiments a secret, you can look into a mirror to practice
You don’t have to be a great writer to pen your own wedding vows. Authenticity is what matters most. Writing from the heart and speaking from a place of gratitude and love will far outweigh words written only to impress others.
Related: 7 Things You Should Definitely Not Do While Wedding Planning and Don’t Forget These Things on Your Wedding Day
Looking for additional tips to help make your wedding day one of the best days of your life? I bet I can help!